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A Fear Of Peas

10 Jan

I’m scared. It’s just past midnight, and I need to be up at 5:00 a.m., but I can’t snooze yet. Instead I just lay here, holding on to the Hazel pup and thinking about the pea seeds and the long, skinny pieces of wood for stakes. I think about making little hills for them and making the tee-pee trellis, and I’m terrified that I’m gonna fail. That no peas are gonna come out of this, that I’m gonna be terrible at growing things and feeding my family. That I’m gonna end up wasting these carefully cultivated, saved, and preserved heirloom pea pods.

 I’m so afraid, at midnight, that I’ve made a disaster of a choice and that we’re gonna end up having to move back to the city where I can hide indoors and never come out, where I stay sick and frail and miserable.

I have to plant these peas this week. I’m terrified.

I’m gonna plant them.

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1 Comment

Posted by on January 10, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

One response to “A Fear Of Peas

  1. Robin

    January 15, 2013 at 9:46 pm

    I just read your post this evening, and know you’ve had some good stuff happen since then. But I do want to comment on what you wrote, because I’m pretty sure there are other ups and downs to come —

    “I’m so afraid, at midnight, that I’ve made a disaster of a choice and that we’re gonna end up having to move back to the city where I can hide indoors and never come out, where I stay sick and frail and miserable.” ….. The road behind you doesn’t have the power to limit what can be ahead.

    “I have to plant these peas this week. I’m terrified.” ….. Maybe so.

    “I’m gonna plant them.” …… Bet you will.

    Beyond that, this grand adventure, like all things worth having or believing, is about being faithful, not successful.

    Love,
    Mom

     

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